Romance, whether it is between player characters or NPCs and player characters, can get complicated. If you as a GM/DM have issues with having either in your game, first I would talk to your table about it. Possibly some of your players have the same concerns you do.
This harkens back to October when some of the articles talked about “Consent forms” and the like. When talking to your table either as a group or as individual players, make sure everyone is comfortable with whatever romantic occurrences are about to happen, both for their fun and yours. Without both, the table becomes less fun, in my opinion.
The levels of consent and “ok-ness” that the table has for such things can vary from, “No I do not do any of that mushy stuff, I just want to kill monsters,” and others will be ok with a little romance but not “NSFW” scenes, fade to black etc etc. That’s ok. It really depends on you and your players.
As a DM, I will allow some of the romance between player characters and some with NPCs, but personally, I am not good at it so I am not comfortable with too much of that. Anything beyond verbal flirting, I fade to black. This has to do with me and my preferences but I have not had any players push that boundary either. So it has been a good mutual understanding at my tables. Obviously, not everyone will have it that easy.
As such, how do you bring up this kind of thing, as a DM or a player?
Well, it really depends on who brings it up and what your relationship is with the individual.
Say they are a new player to your table and you are their DM. They push your comfort zone in a bad way? Well first, as the DM I would have the scene move on, using verbiage such as “Ok, lets fade to black… What is so and so(different PC) doing now?” Redirect the action so it can’t snowball. If they drop it, good. Then I would instigate a one-on-one conversation with them after the game session. Explain your concerns and boundaries. Ask them to respect that. Assuming they agree, we have both learned something about each other and can have a better game.
Now, let us reverse this. You are a new player at a table. You might know one other person at the table, or you might not. The DM takes a romantic scene further in detail than you are comfortable with. This is harder, unless the table has an established X-card system (If you are unfamiliar with this term I will explain it in a moment). First, as a player, I would say something like, “Hey can we fade this to black?” If you are unable to do this for whatever reason, you may have to deafen your earphones, if playing online. If in person, maybe get up and walk away from the table, excuse yourself to the bathroom, etc. You need to distance yourself from the problem. Once it seems the action has moved on from that, return to the table. Again as above try to arrange a one-on-one with the DM after the session and explain your discomfort. This meeting may determine if this table is right for you. If the DM does not want to work with you on this issue, it may be time you look for another table.
X-Card system explained: First created by John Stavropoulos in 2013 is an auxiliary ruleset designed to work with any roleplaying game that allows anyone at the table to hold up a card with an X on it. Declaring they would like to change what has occurred or what is about to occur, retcon, or skip past as necessary.
There is a good article further explaining the use(s) of the X-card here: “D&D For Young DMs and Players: The X-Card”
https://geekdad.com/2016/10/dd-for-young-dms-x-card/
Again as a player again, but this time it is another player at the table initiating the content, whom you do not necessarily know but just through the game. That causes you discomfort, either directly involving your character or not. Again, if the table does not have an X-card system, then try to move the content along if you can. If not, then again excuse yourself from the situation, and try to address it with the player later in a one-on-one conversation. If you are not comfortable doing this, ask the DM to be part of the conversation.
It is much harder to navigate these situations as a player, simply because as a DM you can kinda force the scene along if need be, and as the curator of the game you have more control over what does or does not happen. As a player, you have to hope that the DM and the other players are invested in making everyone feel safe at the table and want to have fun.
I hope these examples help other players and DMs in these kinds of difficult situations, should they occur. If you have more ideas on how to handle this sort of thing, please leave comments and join us over at the Discord to discuss it!
As always, have fun! And Game on!
About the Author
Jared “Martel” B has been GMing and playing in several TTRPG’s since late 2013. Enjoys the challenge of bringing his players worlds and stories straight from his mind in the moment that it happens. He is one of the Founders of RPGCounterpoint, happy husband to an active historian wife, and father to two puppers and baby daughter!
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