By: Matthew Williams
Welcome, Time Travelling and/or Dimension-Hopping Adventurer! You find yourself in Victorian London. How did you get here, by the way? Was it a magic glowing portal? Was it a wrong turn when you walked down Druids Alley? Did you try on some cursed antique jewellery and swap bodies with an ancestor? Or was it that strange alien chap with the blue box that’s larger on the inside?
Never mind. The method doesn’t matter. You’re here now and I shall be your guide to the London of 1887. Which is more interesting to you, fabulous wealth or appalling squalor? We have plenty of both.
How did I know you’re from another world? OH, I can spot them a mile away. Usually… It’s the clothing. The experienced eye can instantaneously identify the Time Traveller or Interdimensional Voyager by her clothing. Women do not wear trousers. I cannot emphasise this enough. . If a woman gives any indication of possessing legs, she is not of this world. The only acceptable reason for a woman to wear trousers is if she is performing as a ‘male impersonator’ on the stage. I think you call them ‘Drag Kings’ or similar?
Women wear long dresses and corsets. This has some permanent effects. Some upper class women have achieved the fashionable ‘wasp waist’ and have a waist smaller than 20 inches. This is, of course, unhealthy and uncomfortable. The stereotype of Victorian women being prone to fainting is entirely well-deserved. They cannot breathe when their internal organs occupy the space that should be used by their lungs.
Male clothing is frankly drab. Bright colours and complex designs are unacceptable. Men of all classes are expected to wear some form of waistcoat and some sort of hat. For the upper classes, eccentricity in clothing is only permitted during a sporting event or when engaged in some sort of hobby.
BLENDING IN
Now let’s begin. If you want to ‘blend in’ you must be aware that social class affects almost everything. So does gender. Only the upper classes have what you might call full rights. Oh, and women don’t even have the right to vote. Almost all men have THAT.
This leads to an important caveat. I must warn you that women – and especially poor women – have a dreadful time in the London of 1887. At the risk of seeming uncouth, I must mention to you that we have no antibiotics and all methods of contraception are unreliable. Sadly, childbirth is extremely hazardous (it is the leading cause of death for all women between the ages of 12 and 50).
Oh, and if you’re a married woman, you can’t own property. Everything belongs to your husband. Everything. Including your children. I won’t mention the rights of husbands to “discipline”their wives (frankly, it’s all too depressing) but if you’ve read ‘Jane Eyre’, you should know that Mister Rochester did nothing illegal. Your husband can lock you up.
Divorce is (theoretically) possible but there is only one Divorce Court in the entire country. As you can imagine, it has quite a long waiting list.
I suspect it’s all rather different from the sort of city that you find in the nicer worlds of the multiverse, or the far future? I hope you won’t find your visit to be too unpleasant…
We’ll start with the ‘survival basics’. Water, Shelter, Food, Dangers and Communication. That should keep you alive for a few days.
WATER
DO. NOT. DRINK. THE. WATER. It’s been a little over 20 years since our last major cholera epidemic, but there are still too many wells that are near to cesspits (or graveyards). Drink tea or beer. It’s much safer. If you’re rich, then champagne is always in style. Drink it by the pint!
If you wish, you can also buy gin by the pint. It is depressingly cheap and many of the Poor use it to anaesthetise themselves from the horrors of their condition. Consuming vast quantities of gin contributes to a life expectancy of around 40.
SHELTER
Try not to spend too much time in the streets. London is filthy. The last census was a little ‘iffy’ but there are at least 4 million people in London and we burn a lot of coal to stay warm and to power machinery. All our buildings are blackened by many layers of soot, ash and grime. So are London’s citizens. You’ll probably want to wash your face and hands 4 or 5 times a day and wearing a hat is not just a fashion statement. It is a necessity.
Look where you walk. We have at least 300,000 horses in London. That ankle-deep ‘mud’ that you see in the streets? That came out of a horse. So did the puddle of ‘water’ that is now corroding the soles of your shoes.
It’s not much healthier indoors. Especially if you’re in a public place like a bar, or a theatre. Smoking tobacco is perfectly normal and most pub ceilings are stained an unattractive shade of brown. There’s a reason that we build houses with tall ceilings. Most of the smoke hangs at a height of around 7 foot off the ground.
Above all…Try not to be poor. Try especially hard not to be poor and unemployed. The unemployed will be homeless and, if you’re homeless, then you are going to be sleeping rough, or in the Workhouse, or in the Casual Wards. All options are extremely unpleasant. Poverty in Victorian London is regarded as a Moral Failing (note the capital letters). Being poor is almost a crime – and crime is severely punished.
Oh, and fleas will be a common problem… Sorry.
FOOD
British cooking has never been highly regarded, but even the French will concede that a British “cooked breakfast” can be an excellent meal. However, I must warn you that hygiene standards are probably not what you’re used to. If the meat is fresh, that’s because the local butcher has just slaughtered something. Most butchers keep one or two animals ‘in the back’ and regularly kill them in the alleyways behind their shop. As you may imagine, these conditions are not always the cleanest. Our local councils are trying to discourage the practice of artisanal slaughter houses, but we have no refrigeration and the butchers point to the ancient rights of their Guild. They are legally permitted to ply their trade, in accordance with the ancient laws.
You should be suspicious of food colourings. If a cake has green icing, that may be because it contains arsenic. Or lead. Yes. Those are poisons. We know,
Avoid white bread. It’s often ‘whitened’ with alum. This can cause severe digestive problems
Avoid yellow mustard. That bright colouring might be due to Lead Chromate
But, on a happier note, there ARE some good restaurants in London. Alas, they are expensive. Many are run by foreigners. The French are well-represented, of course, but there are also a few Chinese and Indian places. These tend to attract retired military and colonial types who developed a taste for spicy food while on active service.
DANGERS
Good news! There are very few dangerous animals in London. You are, however, at risk from the criminal element.
Crime rates are high but not usually violent. About 75% of reported crimes are considered ‘petty’ and only 10% are ‘violent’. On the other hand, murder is probably more common than statistics suggest. The disappearance of a poor person is unlikely to be recorded and the Thames provides a convenient location to dump bodies.
There are many places that you should avoid after dark and women should not travel unaccompanied… well… almost everywhere.
But what’s that you say? You’re an adventurer with high combat skills? Um… good for you. But be aware that carrying an obvious weapon is discouraged. No swords. No armour. Gentlemen may carry a walking stick and Ladies might have an umbrella. Her Majesty is rumoured to have a parasol that is lined with chainmail. But that’s not exactly routine.
The criminal classes will have clubs, knives and (perhaps) garottes. But I can reassure you about that one. Garotting is one of those things that nervous people worry about because the newspapers make a fuss.
Public hysteria about crime is regrettably common and leads to embarrassing results. The “Anti-Garotting Act” of 1863 reintroduced flogging as a punishment for violent crime.
COMMUNICATION
Oh? You’re from the far future of the 21st Century? Splendid! You’ll be pleased to learn that we have an internet too. It’s not your sort of internet, of course. No screens. And we call it the ‘Highway of Thought’ not the ‘Information Super Highway’ or whatever it is. When it all started, there were great hopes that rapid communication would lead to a better understanding between nations, or a more educated populace, or that lies and hoaxes would be quickly exposed. The world would become a better place. Ah…. innocent days….
Oh, I’m sorry. I digress. How does it work ? Well, there are two components really. One is old. One is very new.
The old system is based on the classic method of moving pieces of paper from place to place. We have a well-run and well-financed postal service and – in the central parts of London – there are 10 postal collections and deliveries per day (apart from Sundays, of course). One can almost conduct a conversation via letter. Similarly, some newspapers print 2 or 3 times a day (Morning, Lunchtime and Evening is common). It’s not quite a ‘rolling news programme’ but one can keep track of, say, a cricket match.
The new system is Britain’s pride and joy: the Telegraph. We are most proud of our telegraph system. Telegraph cables girdle the globe! In fact, we recently completed the link between Britain and Bombay. A message may be sent over 5000 miles in less than 5 minutes! Is that not amazing?
Telegraph cables also criss-cross London. For the very reasonable price of sixpence, one can send a short message of up to 12 words. Just fill out the form in the Post Office and it will be telegraphed to the Post Office that is closest to the intended address. There, the message will be transcribed and then carried (by a messenger boy) to the recipient. The boy can take down any reply and the process is repeated to get a message back to you. You might exchange a dozen messages in a day.
Naturally, not everyone wishes their messages to be read by random Post Office employees. Codes and cyphers are regarded as convenient tools, or amusing toys and it is notorious that ‘courting couples’ develop their own secret meanings for common words and phrases.
So, there you are! I have faith in your ability to survive. But, of course, you’re an adventurer. Alas, I imagine you’ll probably find a nest of vampires, some Martians, or perhaps even some meddlers in the occult. Just watch out for the sinister foreigners… Chinese, German, Slavic. That sort of thing. Good luck!
Just remember not to trust the Belgians…. Frightful bounders, the lot of them.
About the Author
The author has been playing TTRPGs for a depressingly large number of decades. Unlike many, his first experience was with Traveller, rather than D&D and Science Fiction remains his favourite genre for RPGs.
RPG Counterpoint 
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